A Way out of the Wilderness

Lord, You are good and Your mercy endures forever! God never ceases to amaze me. For months now I have been feeling completely lost and have had so much pain inside and even though I was doing everything I could to stay in the word and cry out to God it seemed like the gloom and depression was never going to end. I felt as if darkness had consumed my soul. But my God is greater than any pain, any suffering, any depression, and anything else in this world.

God also has perfect timing. It is so easy for us as humans to feel as though God is at fault for not rushing in and saving us the moment we ask Him to. The reality is that if He in fact did that, then He would not be loving us the way He promises to in His word. In my opinion, our society has trained us to believe that we have some sort of entitlement in this world, some kind of privilege, and that if God was such an awesome God then He should move when we tell Him to. This is of course quite contradictory to the process of Submitting ourselves to God. Instead we often times try to control Him.

Throughout the pain and hardships I have experienced in recent months, I have learned so much more about the nature and love of God. I have truly begun to understand what He is trying to tell me when He says He loves me with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3), and that He rejoices over me with singing (Zephaniah 3:17). About a year ago I had gone quite deep in my devotional life and felt like I was truly walking side by side with God. I now realize that He provided me with this security so that I could strengthen my faith in Him. Then all of a sudden I felt like no matter how much I prayed, how many bible verses I read, no matter how loud I cried out to God, I felt as if he had forgotten me. Thankfully, I attend an amazing church (Victory Fellowship) with a Pastor (Mitch Horton) who week after week continues to preach the word of God and to emphasize the Father's love for all creation. He reminded me that even though there may be times when it feels as though God is far off in the distance, the reality is He never leaves us, nor forsakes us (Hebrews 13:5). He is always standing strong by our side.

I now realize that God used this hard season in my life to really teach me about faith, and especially about His love for ME. Not His love for Isaiah, or Jeremiah, or any other prophet for that matter. He loves Me the same way He loves Jesus. For so long these were only words to me. I wanted so badly to believe them but it just wasn't sinking in. Until now. God came and met me in my wilderness and used the opportunity to show me things that I couldn't understand until all of my distractions had been stripped away.

Even though I am still struggling (as any human being does), I now have a much more brilliant understanding of God's love for me. I praise Jesus for being so faithful to me even when I was faithless (2 Timothy 2:13).

Lord, I praise you for being so wonderful and so magnificent. There truly is none like You. You have captured my heart and I never want it back. It is Yours, I give it all to You and I lay down everything in my life for You and Your kingdom. To you be all the glory, and all the honor, and all the power. Forever, Amen.